Co-Sleeping: When parents and child sleep together

In many cultures it is the most natural thing in the world for children to sleep in their parents’ bed. In western industrialized countries, sleeping together, also known as co-sleeping, is less common. But this practice is also increasing in Germany. Find out here what to consider when co-sleeping.

How does co-sleeping work?

With co-sleeping  , babies  and toddlers sleep in the immediate vicinity of their parents or one of the parents. In a narrower sense, this means that infants sleep in their parents’ bed. This constellation is then  called a family  bed. Most of the time, mother and child have direct physical contact.

Another variant is an  extra bed that  is attached next to the parents’ bed. A side part of the bed rail can be folded down or dismantled so that direct parent-child contact is also possible here.

What are the benefits of sleeping together?

The mother can immediately respond to her child’s needs without having to get up. This allows for convenient  on-demand breastfeeding  and  quick reassurance  when baby wakes up.

Sleep lab studies  show that while babies sleeping with their mothers wake up more often than babies sleeping alone, they also fall asleep more quickly and without much crying.

In addition, infants sleeping with their mothers drink from their breasts twice as often and almost three times as long at night as infants sleeping alone. Accordingly, babies sleeping with their mother consume a third more calories at night, which has a positive effect on both  weight gain  and the immune system .  

Does co-sleeping affect the child’s development?

Many voices see the problem with co-sleeping that the children do not become independent due to the constant closeness. Others, on the other hand, emphasize that sleeping together strengthens the parent-child bond and conveys security.

There is no evidence in research that children who sleep alone are later more socially competent or independent than children who sleep with their mother. A US  study  even showed that the latter are better at being alone during the day and are more open to new situations than those who sleep alone.

Isn’t co-sleeping dangerous?

It is every parent’s nightmare: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, also known as SIDS. Some see this as the biggest risk factor in co-sleeping. But the opposite is the case. The exact cause of sudden infant death is not yet known. However, suffocation by external crushing is unrelated.

Instead, research suggests that babies can no longer control their breathing due to unfavorable influences from their sleeping environment. Co-sleeping counteracts this by supporting a stable heartbeat and breathing rhythm in the infant.

In addition, it has been observed that mothers instinctively turn their children over and put them back on their backs when they turn onto their stomachs. This helps reduce the risk of SIDS, as lying on your stomach increases the risk of cot death.

10 rules for safe sleeping in the family bed

As many benefits as co-sleeping brings, there are still a few things you should keep in mind to ensure your baby is safe sleeping with you. We have therefore put together 10 co-sleeping rules for you:

1. Do not use a mattress that is too soft or uneven, or   a waterbed.
2. Remove thick skins, blankets and pillows, and stuffed animals from the bed.
3. If you are overweight or suffer from  sleep apnea , your baby should sleep in an extra bed.
4. Lay your baby on his back.
5. If you are a smoker, your baby should not sleep next to you. Your exhaled air contains nicotine and pollutant residues.
6. Do not use tranquilizers, drugs, alcohol or other substances that impair your consciousness.
7. Secure the bed so that your baby cannot fall out or slide in anywhere. It is best to place your child between you and the wall. Fill in mattress gaps with blankets etc.
8. The lying surface must offer enough freedom of movement for parents and child.
9. Siblings and pets should sleep in a different room.
10. The temperature in the bedroom should be between 16°C and 18°C. It’s warmer in the family bed than alone in the cot. So don’t dress your baby too warm.

Interview: Three questions for Dr. Herbert Renz upholstery

dr Herbert Renz-Polster is a pediatrician and associate scientist at the Mannheim Institute for Public Health at the University of Heidelberg. dr Renz-Polster’s latest guide “Sleep well, baby” has made it into the bestseller list of parent guides. In our short interview, he answers three questions about co-sleeping.

1. How long or up to what age should children sleep with their parents?

dr Renz-Polster:  The general rule for me when it comes to questions like this is that nobody “should” and nobody “must”. Who should decide that? Families do this very differently, also because the conditions are different for each family.

If, for example, an older sibling is there, some children find it easier to move out of their parents’ bed because there may already be someone in their new home. And children want to have their own nest at some point – some sooner, some later. It often starts at the age of three or four, then proud reports come: “I sleep in my own bed now!” And: “Now it’s only our dad who can’t do it yet!”

Basically, it’s always like this: nobody ever brings their boyfriend or girlfriend with them to their parents’ bed.

2. As a parent, how do I stop co-sleeping?

dr Renz-Polster:  In many families, people talk about it and ask the child what it imagines. Maybe it can design its own sleeping place, or build a bed with the parents? It certainly helps that it knows that if I don’t grab it right away, I can slip back in at night.

It’s always good if there isn’t a lot of tugging – coercion and pressure don’t work. The certainty is much more helpful: In a family where everyone treats each other in a friendly manner, the children do the same as the older ones: they do their best. We all know that not everything always works out the same way.

3. What is re-co-sleeping and how do I best deal with it as a parent?

dr Renz-Polster:  What is meant here is that the children have slept in their own bed and then come back to their parents’ door. This happens because something frightening might happen in life, because the children are ill or otherwise burdened.

It is all the more important that you ask yourself why their “bonding rubber” is so tense at the moment, and how the family can ensure relaxation and emotional security together.